


Human, Too

by moonrainer



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-28
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:28:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,670
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23363962
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonrainer/pseuds/moonrainer
Summary: Tonks has a feeling about Remus. Or maybe more than one.
Relationships: Remus Lupin/Nymphadora Tonks
Comments: 2
Kudos: 40





	Human, Too

The sound of breaking glass still rang in Tonks’s ears when she heard the creaking of the door. What a great moment for someone to walk in on her.

She’d retreated to this deserted room on the second floor of the Order’s headquarters for some peace and quiet, and she’d hoped that nobody would find her here, especially not in this newly created mess.

When she looked up to see who had just entered, she met the pair of green eyes she hadn’t been able to keep out of her head.

“Finally,” Remus said. “I’ve been looking for you everywhere.”

Her heartbeat sped up a little, which was stupid. But… had he really?

He examined her as she kneeled on the floor (unintentionally but conveniently covering up her ‘accident’) and raised an eyebrow.

“What are you doing? Weren’t you meant to be writing the report about our last mission?” Tonks realised again how much she liked listening to his voice. She could easily lose herself in it and forget what he was talking about. “Mad-Eye told me I should help you get it done.”

Tonks blushed a little and hoped that he couldn’t tell what she was thinking. To distract from herself, she pointed to the desk near the fireplace. “Finished early. Which gave me enough time to have a look through all of those cupboards...”

Gesturing vaguely to her right, the disarray in front of her again suddenly caught her eye again. She had long accepted that clumsiness was one of her core traits, but this was one of those occasions where she despised it terribly. Still, she had to admit that the sunlight streaming in through the dirty windows made the destruction look intriguing, almost beautiful. She had a hard time not giving the sparkling glass shards her full attention.

She heard rustling of parchment from the other end of the room. A glance in Remus’s direction confirmed that he was skimming the report, nodding in approval.

“And did you find anything interesting?” he asked absent-mindedly without looking up.

“Not really, but then the usual happened and…” Tonks trailed off, because when she glanced down again, the kaleidoscopic light was almost hypnotising her.

The floorboards creaked, and before she knew it, Remus was crouching down beside her. Tonks’s heart skipped a beat when she suddenly felt the warmth of his body so close to hers. He smelled like forest wood on a rainy day. She had to force herself not to inhale deeply.

“Oh,” Remus said. He didn’t seem to be as fascinated by the play of light as she was. “Don’t worry. I don’t think Sirius will mind.” He gave her a reassuring smile that made her jittery. “He’s not very fond of Black family heirlooms.”

His words pulled her out of her trance. “I know.”

Tonks sighed and shook her head. She should be feeling guilty, not mesmerised. Running a hand through her hair, she reiterated what had first run through her head after the mishap.

“But I still broke something of his that was probably worth a fortune.” For a hundredth time, she cursed her clumsiness and all the inconveniences it caused.

“What was it?” Remus half extended his hand as if he wanted to touch the glass, but withdrew it almost instantly, thinking better of it.

“A massive goblet,” Tonks said. “I don’t know what exactly it was made of though, only that it looked very expensive.”

As they both stared at the dancing rainbow colours in silence, Tonks felt an idea slowly taking shape in her head until she could no longer ignore it.

Was now a good time to confront him? She’d been waiting for an opportunity like this for ages, so it was probably best to use it; another one might not come for a while.

_Do it now, but be subtle_ , she told herself. _Don_ _’_ _t mess this up!_

“You know…” It took her another few seconds to figure out how to go on. “I wanted to reassemble the shards right after I dropped the goblet, but … they looked so pretty on the floor. And then I wondered… why do they need fixing at all? Everyone and everything is broken in some way anyway. Right?”

Tonks tried to give her words special emphasis but only ended up sounding pathetic.

Remus chuckled. “Poetic.”

“Especially people,” she added after a pause.

Remus didn’t seem to take the hint, although it was as obvious as she could make it.

Maybe she was wrong. She could have misunderstood. Maybe she’d been overthinking again, reading too much into things. Of course she wasn’t sure. How could she be sure without him telling her?

Frustrated with herself, Tonks clenched her hands into fists. She just wanted to have a straightforward conversation with Remus. No cryptic messages, no hidden meanings. But for that, she had to take a leap of faith.

“Remus…” She stopped and braced herself for his reaction. “I’m talking about… us.”

Tonks couldn’t bring herself to say _you_. It seemed too invasive and rude.

When his eyes met hers again, he looked confused. “What do you mean?”

It took all her courage to hold his gaze. “I just want you to know that… it’s okay.”

Remus stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He sounded on edge, but someone who didn’t know him well wouldn’t have noticed.

Tonks wasn’t deterred. “Yes, you do.” She paused before she calmly added, “I understand.”

“I doubt that you do.” His voice was cooler than before, but instead of making her retreat, it only egged her on.

“Don’t belittle me, Remus. I’m an adult, just like you are, and it’s about time you stop treating me like a child!”

She’d expected him to become angry as well, but instead Remus just looked very tired.

“This has nothing to do with your age.”

“But…”

Before she could think of a reply, he got up and headed towards the door.

She couldn’t let him leave this room, not right now, not until she had explained herself!

“Remus.”

He stopped the moment he heard her say his name. Tonks wanted to believe that it was because of her, that, if anyone else had called him, he would have just left.

She took a deep breath.

“You’re going to die.”

There. She’d said it. Tonks didn’t want to think about what was going to happen next; she was terrified.

Remus didn’t turn around. “We all are,” he said matter-of-factly.

“You know what I mean! You’re sick.” It was easy to continue now that she didn’t have to look at his face. “That’s why you disappear for days on end without explanation! That’s why you volunteer for the most dangerous missions!”

His tone of voice was unfathomable. “You think I’m terminally ill?”

Tonks nodded, forgetting that he couldn’t see her.

“Well,” Remus still didn’t move. “You’re wrong.”

The silence that ensued was deafening.

“But something _is_ up!” she pressed. “You can’t deny that.”

They had known each other for months now, and Tonks cherished their friendship. For her, his secret was the only thing that stood between the two of them, and she wanted it gone. She wanted him to confide in her, or at least to say something. Anything.

“Don’t you trust me, Remus?”

Finally, he turned around. His face was tense.

“It’s a difficult subject for me.”

Tonks couldn’t think of what to say, so she just nodded. Then she realised that she was still sitting on the floor, which felt wrong.

Remus’s eyes lingered on the broken glass next to her, but he didn’t seem to see it.

“I’m not on my deathbed, but I have a condition.”

She opened her mouth to ask him what he meant, but decided that it was probably best to let him tell his story by himself.

He raised his gaze and looked her in the eye.

“Did you ever notice that I always disappear during the full moon?”

As soon as he’d said it, it hit her. Oh. Merlin.

“No!” The word escaped her lips before she could pull herself together.

Immediately, Remus’s face turned to stone, but not before she’d seen how hurt he was.

“No, I mean, I— It’s just— It’s—”

Of course she was shocked, but only because she hadn’t seen it coming. How could she not have guessed? How could she not have seen the signs? Merlin’s beard, she was an Auror! Tonks felt so stupid that she wanted to hit her head on the wall.

But the fact that Remus was a—she forced herself to think the word— _werewolf_ —didn’t change what a wonderful person he was. She would never think less of him for something that was so clearly out of his control.

In the midst of her internal struggle, Remus was turning away from her.

“I know how appalled and disgusted you must be, and I’m sorry. I’ll leave.”

“No!” Tonks jumped up awkwardly. “Don’t!”

Even though he tried to hide it, he looked so miserable that it broke her heart. She’d never wanted anything more than to hold him in this moment.

_So why don_ _’_ _t you?_ she asked herself.

Remus hesitated for a second, and that was all she needed. Without a second thought, Tonks flung her arms around his waist and pulled him into a hug, burying her head in his shoulder. She heard Remus gasp with surprise.

After an excruciatingly long moment of uncertainty, he wrapped her up. It felt like everything she ever needed, and she silently sighed with relief. With force, her heart beat against her chest (or was it his?).

When she decided that it was finally time to say something, she looked up at him, and promptly hit his chin with her head. Remus groaned but started to laugh.

“As always, you’re a safety hazard, Dora.”

“Well, that’s the price you pay for keeping me around.”

The smile that spread across his face reached his eyes, and Tonks knew that they were going to be okay.


End file.
